100 Terry Wogan 'Facts'

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100 Terry Wogan 'Facts'

Post by dogmeat » Tue Aug 03, 2004 12:12 pm

Collectively produced by the funny minds at mrbiffo.com's forums...

1) He once taught a chimp how to tell the time.

2) He only eats baked beans

3) Has never knowingly taken another human life

4) He thought the word "dog" was pronounced "cat" until he was 27 years old.

5) He was once turned into a newt. The transformation changed his life forever.

6) He was the inventor of the nappy - hence it is known as "Terry towelling"

7) Brookside has to be shown 24/7 in Terry's dressing room. It's the deal-breaker in all his contracts.

8) The 'wig' is a symbiotic lifeform which controls his every thought and movement.

9) When alone, Terry likes to empty the small pieces of paper from hole-punches, throw them over his head, and imagine he's at a wedding.

10) Terry Wogan was convicted of aggrivated male rape in 1998.

11) He is best friends with Cristina Ricci.

12) Wogan got the idea for his intriguing haircut when he saw a lorry carrying leather wallets crash, spilling the contents into the road. Terry had his brainwave when two of the wallets landed vertically in the road, with another landing horizontally across the top of the other two.

13) Terry occasionally posts on the 'Board of Biffo' as 'CussYouBad'. His post count is 32, which he is hoping to better over the summer months. He told the BBC he was going on holiday for a fortnight so he has no TV or Radio work

14) Terry Wogan shits starfish...

15) ... but only eats ramps - yes ramps! Crazy, I know!

16) He threw rotten eggs at a statue of the Pope at a fete in Milford.

17) He's Irish.

18) He's a Mexican illegal immigrant

19) He's German.

20) When doing time for agrravated male rape in 1998 he shamefully headbutted a fellow inmate who branded his loopy barnet 'ludicrous'.

21) He's Swedish.

22) He's Lebonese. And has a 'fanny'.

23) He was the inspiration for both of the Austin Power's characters Dr. Evil AND Fat Bastard.

24) He is resposible for Jeremy Beadles withered hand when, in the summer of 1979 he accidentaly sat on it.

25) On cold mornings Terry likes to warm himself up by pouring hot bovril on his crotch.

26) He tried it with Marmite but it brought him out in a rash.

27) He can play 'La Cucaracha' on the harmonica

28) Terry Wogan gets a kick out out 'reverse prank calling'. Any incoming calls to his room are greeted with;

"Yeah, can I get a coupla' peppronis, extra large, side order'a garlic bread, anna coke (you wanna coke?) yeah, two cokes", delivered in a Brooklyn accent.

This has upset and confused his mother on more than one occasion.

29) Terry's favourite hobby is passing wind into empty jamjars then screwing the lid back on before the smell can escape. He has the worlds largest flatulence collection, and has a whole wing of his 37 bedroom Lincolnshire mansion dedicated to storing the date labelled jamjars.

30) He's an Irish TV celebrity who has become a British house-hold name. He currently presents Points of View and annually presents the Eurovision Song Contest. And he has a 'fanny'.

31) He writes childrens books about a wizarding school under the pseudonym J. K. Rowling.

32) 'Terry Wogan' is an anagram of 'I am Lord Voldemort'.

33) He was actually taller as a child than he is now. Doctors around the world are baffled.

34) At the age of 17, he lost both his legs in an accident at an illegal underground 'Eurovision Dance-Off'.

35) He once fell into a pipeston.

36) Terry Wogan was born without a chin or ribcage.

37) "Teary Wogan"

38) Terry Wogan is the best long range putter that has ever lived.

39) Terry Wogan was a founding member of Birmingham-based reggae group, UB40.

40) Terry Wogan played the harmonica on The Velvet Underground's 'Venus In Furs'

41) He got his first TV Break on Bruce Forsyth's 'You Bet!' when he was challenged to eat a whole Yaught made of seeds.

42) He is known in media circles as 'Mountie', due either to his constant odor of clam chowder or preference for sex with moosen.

43) Wogan regularly duels with Biffo for the title of 'Biggest Marillion Fan'.

44) Has the largest ears in the world. He tries to cover them up with his hair but he still can't hide the fact that they are bigger than his entire head!

45) The character of Terry in hit BBC sitcom 'Terry and June' was based upon Terry Wogan.

46) Terry Wogan was based upon the character of June in hit BBC sitcom 'Terry and June'.

47) Terry Wogan refuses to admit that he sleeps in a cupboard.

48) Understandably, he is noncommittal about the common market.

49) Terry's favourite film is Tim Burton's Mars Attacks.

50) Terry Wogan ate tuna fish sandwiches for lunch today.

51) Terry Wogan shot the sheriff

52) But he didn't shoot the deputy

53) He sliced the deputys head off with some carving knives.

54) Terry Wogan once challenged Eamon Holmes with swords.

55) Terry Wogan likes the film 'Gladiator', but after the bit where one of the crowd shouts "Maximus the Merciful!" he quickly loses interest and starts knitting.

56) Terry Wogan has the worlds largest collection of celebrity feces

57) Whilst at university, Wogan experimented with homosexuality.

58) Wogan will only play the card game Pontoon if the 'raps' and 'scrapes' rules are in action.

59) Terry Wogan is a thalidomide

60) For every radio show Wogan has ever presented he has worn nothing but a empty tube of smarties.

61) Terry Wogan is secretly the prophet, Mohammed's, great grandson.

62) Terry Wogan has never actually attended a Eurovision song contest.

63) Nor has Terry Wogan ever appeared on television. Instead, he hires a Spanish prostitute called Miguel to stand in for him.

64) There are really two Terry Wogans.

65) Terry Wogan rhymes with "Fuckin' pizza!"

66) Is watching 'Dragnet' on channel 3, right now.

67)... as he does ritualistically every single time it is shown on TV, on any channel.

68) The 100 Things You Never Knew About... featuring Wogan is excellent!

69) Has a shrine devoted to Dan Aykroyd of which he prays to every half hour, without fail.

70) Although apples are Terry's favourite fruit, he has never actually seen one. He employs a specially trained bodyservant to blindfold him and blow small chunks of the fruit into Terry's mouth through a specially designed feeding tube.

71) Terry does not believe stamps exist.

72) In 1986, Terry had his left leg (from the mid-shin downwards) hollowed out and filled with sherbet.

73) Terry is able to unroll his nose, like a tiny trunk.

74) Terry Wogan does not own any clothing, instead he has bonded with an alien symbiotic lifeform which alters his appearance at will. At night he fights crime.

75) Terry Wogan has trained with ancient monks in Tibet to allow himself to wake precisely 14 seconds before his alarm goes off each morning, in order that he may fling the clock across the room just before it beeps, shouting 'See how you like it!'

76) Terry Wogan, along with Terry Christian, Terry Nutkins, Terry off of Terry and June and Terry Thomas used to be members of a super-hero team called "excellent Terry 5 power squad". However, once T. Scott and T. Thomas died they had to disband.

T. Wogan's special power was to emit a barely audible low hum that was mildly unnerving.

77) Terry is fatally allergic to buses.

78) One of Terry Wogan's many alter' egos is in fact Mr. Biffo!

79) Terry Wogan once strangled a prostitute until she blacked out.

80) In Japan, Terry Wogan is known as 'Mother Koshi Owl Demon'

81) Terry Wogan once bet five pouns that he could run faster than Sandi Toksvig. Toksvig won the bet, and since then has taken to standing outside Wogan's semi-detached 2 bedroom house with her friends, hollering taunts and insults.

82) Terry Wogan once threw a coin off of the Eiffel Tower. It picked up such speed on the way down that it passed straight through a Frenchman's scalp and come out his bum-bum. The gendarmes did not charge Wogan as they thought the incident was 'hilarious'.

83) Terry Wogan once forced a bean into his urethra.

84) The pressure created by the blockage, when Terry was looking for a lavatory near Clapham Common, caused the bean to fire out of his penis with such force it killed several elderly ladies waiting for the number 73 bus.

85) Terry Wogan scored the winning goal for England in 1966 but due to the camera angle it looked like Geoff Hurst scored. Terry Wogan was too drunk to notice.

86) Terry Wogan done a poo

87) Terry Wogan does a great impression of Radio One's Chris Moyles.

88) Terry Wogan regularly asks his mother what the time is, despite clearly wearing a watch. His mother is blind.

89) Terry Wogan's favourite forum of greeting is to rest his willy on your thigh, and snuzzle you with his nose.

90) Terry Wogan once publicly humiliated a swan.

91) Terry Wogan is a crow

92) The sound of forks scratching on a plate is music to Terry Wogan's ears.

93) Terry Wogan once accidentally called his teacher "mum". The teacher was Mr Harrington.

94) Terald Vogon once got out of his white Audi and hit a man who looked at his bird while they were driving past.

95) Terry Wogan doesn't believe in electricity.

96) Terry Wogan Price was named after one of 'Terry's' the chocolate makers' earlier and less sucessful products prior to their popular 'Orange' - the 'Terry's Wagon'. His mum liked the name so much that she put it on his birth certificate, but unfortunately is dyslexic.

97) Terry Wogan has never said the word "and"

98) Terald Vogon once hurled a clam the full length of a pipeston. Luckily no one was injured.

98) Terry Wogan has a pipe instead of a mouth

99) Terry Wogan could probably fit inside a dustbin, but he wouldn't like it.

100) Terry Wogan once ate a sandwich.

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