bring your jokes together for all to see

dav · Post by **dav** » Mon Dec 02, 2002 5:59 pm

Outside a pharmacy in a busy street, a poor man is clutching onto a pole for dear life, not breathing, not moving, not twitching a muscle, just standing there, frozen.

The pharmacist, seeing this strange sight in front of his shop, goes up to his assistant and asks, "What's the matter with that guy? Wasn't he in here earlier?"

Assistant replies, "Yes he was. He had the most terrible cough and none of my prescriptions seemed to help."

Pharmacist says, "He seems to be fine now."

Assistant replies, "Sure, he does. I gave him a box of the strongest laxatives on the market. Now he won't dare cough!"

dav · Post by **dav** » Mon Dec 02, 2002 7:41 pm

"Nobody will ever need more than 640k RAM!" -- Bill Gates, 1981
"Windows 95 needs at least 8 MB RAM." -- Bill Gates, 1996
"Nobody will ever need Windows 95." -- logical conclusion

Seahorse · Post by **Seahorse** » Mon Dec 02, 2002 8:46 pm

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord :grant me one wish." Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish"

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to." The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! .... I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy"

After a few minutes God said, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?

dav · Post by **dav** » Mon Dec 02, 2002 8:52 pm

suppose you thinks you iz a better comedian then me

no fucking chance

o well u get a point for trying i suppose

rib? · Post by **rib?** » Mon Dec 02, 2002 9:04 pm

dav wrote:"Nobody will ever need more than 640k RAM!" -- Bill Gates, 1981
"Windows 95 needs at least 8 MB RAM." -- Bill Gates, 1996
"Nobody will ever need Windows 95." -- logical conclusion

do we really need images like this on this board? humour or not?

biggles · Post by **biggles** » Mon Dec 02, 2002 9:12 pm

people stopped bashing windows a long time ago after they realised it kicks ass.

get with the program

Seahorse · Post by **Seahorse** » Mon Dec 02, 2002 9:16 pm

dav wrote:suppose you thinks you iz a better comedian then me

no f*cking chance

o well u get a point for trying i suppose

Well, I would say my spelling and grammar were superior. As for the comedic ability, I leave that to people on the receiving end of the joke...

biggles · Post by **biggles** » Mon Dec 02, 2002 9:21 pm

yours was better.

Post by **PeteTheHair** » Mon Dec 02, 2002 9:51 pm

dav wrote:suppose you thinks you iz a better comedian then me

You gotta wonder about the type of person who starts a thread saying "share your jokes", then comes up with this.

Sharpe · Post by **Sharpe** » Mon Dec 02, 2002 9:55 pm

people like gibbles?

biggles · Post by **biggles** » Mon Dec 02, 2002 10:07 pm

dont compare me to dickid please. hitler, satan, zik! but please not dickid

Spey · Post by **Spey** » Mon Dec 02, 2002 10:09 pm

dav wrote:suppose you thinks you iz a better comedian then me

no fucking chance

o well u get a point for trying i suppose

well last time i checked being a cunt wasnt all THAT funny anymore

Seahorse · Post by **Seahorse** » Mon Dec 02, 2002 10:13 pm

What about a talking one, makes me laugh...

Sharpe · Post by **Sharpe** » Mon Dec 02, 2002 10:17 pm

Santa is cool he gives people stuff free,
ZiK is cool as well be he can be a pain when he kicks me for no reasion or coz he is testing stuff,
Hitler, are you insane? you know what he did right?.

Seahorse · Post by **Seahorse** » Mon Dec 02, 2002 10:22 pm

Wasn't he on the losing side during WWII...

Sharpe · Post by **Sharpe** » Mon Dec 02, 2002 10:25 pm

well the germans like to say they came 2nd but losing side yep that will do

dav · Post by **dav** » Tue Dec 03, 2002 5:38 pm

Abbott and Costello Meet Windows 2000
Costello: Hey, Abbott!

Abbott: Yes, Lou?

Costello: I just got my first computer.

Abbott: That's great Lou. What did you get?

Costello: A Pentium IV 1.4 Gig, with 512 Megs of RAM, a 21 Gig hard drive, and a 48X CD-ROM.

Abbott: That's terrific, Lou.

Costello: But I don't know what any of it means!!

Abbott: You will in time.

Costello: That's exactly why I am here to see you.

Abbott: Oh?

Costello: I heard that you are a real computer expert.

Abbott: Well, I don't know-

Costello: Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you're going to train me.

Abbott: Really?

Costello: Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson.

Abbott: O.K. Lou. What do want to know?

Costello: I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you should be very careful how you turn it off.

Abbott: That's true.

Costello: So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it off. What do I do?

Abbott: Well, first you press the Start button, and then-

Costello: No, I told you, I want to turn it off.

Abbott: I know, you press the Start button-

Costello: Wait a second. I want to turn it off. Off. I know how to start it. So tell me what to do.

Abbott: I did.

Costello: When?

Abbott: When I told you to press the Start button.

Costello: Why should I press the Start button?

Abbott: To shut off the computer.

Costello: I press Start to stop.

Abbott: Well Start doesn't actually stop the computer.

Costello: I knew it! So what do I press.

Abbott: Start

Costello: Start what?

Abbott: Start button.

Costello: Start button to do what?

Abbott: Shut down.

Costello: You don't have to get rude!

Abbott: No, no, no! That's not what I meant.

Costello: Then say what you mean.

Abbott: To shut down the computer, press-

Costello: Don't say, "Start!"

Abbott: Then what do you want me to say?

Costello: Look, if I want to turn off the computer, I am willing to press the Stop button, the End button and Cease and Desist button, but no one in their right mind presses the Start to Stop.

Abbott: But that's what you do.

Costello: And you probably Go at Stop signs, and Stop at green lights.

Abbott: Don't be ridiculous.

Costello: I am being ridiculous? Well. I think it's about time we started this conversation.

Abbott: What are you talking about?

Costello: I am starting this conversation right now. Good-bye.

Phaliure · Post by **Phaliure** » Tue Dec 03, 2002 8:01 pm

Anyone with a reading speed equal to me will also agree that reading the previous post was a waste of 15 minutes of my life. I don't know about you with a reading age of above 3, but was that even funny.
Bout as funny as a kick in the balls.

shrek · Post by **shrek** » Tue Dec 03, 2002 8:19 pm

Phaliure wrote:I don't know about you with a reading age of above 3, but was that even funny.
Bout as funny as a kick in the balls.

Yeah it's not funny at all, saying that I would rather read that joke than get kicked in the balls because reading is less painfull.

uatec · Post by **uatec** » Wed Dec 04, 2002 12:40 pm

nice joke, pity it took such a long time to get through from the start to the end of the punch line...

Shotgun LAN

bring your jokes together for all to see

bring your jokes together for all to see

microshaft

suppose

Re: microshaft

Re: suppose

Re: suppose

Re: suppose

hmmm that cant be right

bill gates(revisited)